EXCITING NEW ANNOUNCEMENT!

Dear readers

All thirty of you have noticed that we at Horse News have been absent for quite some time. This is owing to certain personal issues and circumstances surrounding the pandemic. But now, we are back with some amazing changes. Firstly, you can expect to see our brand new series of paid analysis videos on Patreon, at only $15.99 per month.

Secondly, we are in the process of starting our own line of limited edition Bored Popeye NFTs, which you can pay to own with a unique digital signature, for as little as one month's wages. A selection of these are pictured below.

And most importantly, we're proud to announce our merger with ToonKritic Networks. Our new editor, ToonKritic, is glad to take us onboard and will be helping us gain more publicity and provide more great content, including: analyses of the new G5 episodes as they arrive; a monthly gameshow panel where we riff on our own incorrect analyses; and our Analysis Anarchy, where we discuss the social ramifications of our own analyses and how much impact they've made on the pony fandom!

Thank you for your support!

Don't forget to hit us up on Tiktok and Reddit! 

Newsie News, Editor-in-Chief

 

Did Iron Will Slap Tom the Rock Due To Scientologist Upbringing?

 Celebrity Minotaur Sits Down With HN, Tells All 

In the aftermath of Iron Will slapping comedian Tom the Rock on live television yesterday on The 94th Annual Pantomime & Barn Dance Awards, there was widespread controversy from the 10,000 or so ponies who heard about it. Almost 1,000 times those who had watched it. The motivational speaker sat down with us to clear the air, once we found a reporter who was free to deal with this urgently vital issue.

Frontline Dispatches: Mares' Co Ponies Turn Churn 'n' Boil Reactor Off.

There is a refugee crisis currently happening on Earth. If you want to help there are a list of reputable charities located here

In our last frontline report, we covered the heavy fighting taking place around the Churn 'n' Boil reactor in the north of the shepherd town of Ewe-Crying. The Mayor, stand-up comedian Cheese Sandwich, reports that armed security forces led by Pie Tin have managed to capture the derelict reactor and have forced staff to turn it off.

Experts fear that a crisis is imminent.

Frontline Dispatch: Maud Pie Releases Demands

 Frontline Dispatch: Maud Pie Releases Demands

Maud Pie, the self proclaimed rightful ruler of Cheese Sandwich's campus and farm town in the East of Equestria, has released demands amidst her invasion for the immediate cessation of the conflict. Invading the shepherd's town of Ewe Crying and declaring herself 'Vladdy Maud Pie Tin' and 'Big Daddy Vladdy' she has been making similar demands for weeks that the rest of the Equestrian Council have repeatedly rebuffed as non-starters. The demands were relayed to our reporter by a mediator who listened in.

Today's are similar. Let's dive into what they are:

Frontline Dispatches: 'Vladdy' Maud Pie Tin 'Stalled on All Fronts'

You can see our previous coverage of the ongoing war here

Over the first few days of this conflict, Maud Pie's armed security forces have been steadily advancing from her research commune, Mares' Co, into the neighbouring settlement of Ewe-Crying on the Crying River, and have been making significant gains in various places. However, the operations have slowly stalled as they approached more built-up areas of the town.

What follow is an update of the situation.

 

Frontline Dispatches from Last 24 Hours: Invasion Confirmed

Frontline Dispatches from Last 24 Hours: Invasion Confirmed

If you want to help out humans involved in the Ukrainian refugee crisis, there are a list of reputable charities located here.

 
This morning at 5:55 am, a Trips which will live in infamy, a border dispute between two neighbouring communities has spiralled into all-out war, sparking outrage across all of Equestria. Famed geologist and research leader, Maud Pie, has declared war on the nearby factory owned and run by joke manufacturer and stand-up comedian Cheese Sandwich. At this time, she has accused her soon-to-be brother in law of violating her security, and for complex reasons declared herself 'Vladdy Maud Pie Tin'. 

Hiatus Possibly Shortened?

Let's face it, the hiatus has been pretty awful. There's been not much of interest to report on for a while, and I imagine some people think we're probably dead by now, but at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Ponycon NYC 2016: Was it Actually February Spaghetti?

If you squint hard enough, you can see the pasta already developing in the clouds a day before the con started.

Folks, are a lot of claims about Ponycon NYC. Some of them are true, and some of them are just plain ol' bullshit. Join me as we sort through many of them to find out just how spaghetti Ponycon NYC 2016 was, and whether or not it qualifies to fulfill the brony fandom drama curse of February.

Peter New off the market

In the nearly 6 years since the dawn of the fandom, we've seen our fair share of marriages and relationships among the #horsefamous. Mando and Sibsy got hitched...Andrea Libman got married (and we got in trouble for telling you). WeAreBorg both proposed to, was kidnapped from, and got married to Cynder at pony conventions (and we threw a "bachelor" party). And then there was that brief fling between Seth and a candle. 

Today, we add another pair of names to the growing list of lovebirds.
By the looks of Twitter, Peter New - the voice of Big Macintosh, and some other characters on that pet shop show - will be tying the knot with that Amy chick from the twitter website.

Never Forget the Hiatus

Today is a grim reminder that on 11:30 EDT, July 18, 2015, Discovery Communications' President and CEO, David Zaslav, hijacked the programming and ran into the innocent, civilian ponies residing their home channel. However, it is also a time of hope as we need to join together, as one, to wait out these last 10 hours and rebuild and continue to enjoy this show.

Artist's sketch of Zaslav

Crazed Horse News Intern Finally Put Over The Edge; 2 Injured

Recently the Horse News office staff has been in a very good mood: The prolonged hiatus is ending this weekend, Babscon is also this weekend, and Newsie is finally getting laid on a daily basis. This unfortunately wasn’t enough for one Horse News intern, who had ‘broken his last straw’ earlier this morning. Details after the break.

How to spend your valenties day the Jin way!

While the >normies were spending their valentines day with each other, and all of 4chan were spending it with their waifus, everyone's favorite plushy fucker spent it with his love.

The details after the break!

Equestria Girls 3 Confirmed

Australia is home to some of the scariest shit on Earth. Every living creature on that continent has been specifically bred over thousands of years to fuck you up.

Snakes on a Plane: Not so fictional in Australia...

But not since the Great Emu War of 1932 has the Land Down Under seen anything as horrifying as this:

Cloudsdale: An Introductory Farewell

 On January 1st 2015, a brony social network named Cloudsdale was shut down due to unpaid server bills. Usually it only barely managed to scrape by each month and was saved by some newfag who used it to chat with his "girlfriend" (who more likely than not usually turned out to be either a really ugly dude or a small child around the age of twelve), but December turned out to be different in that said users were too caught up in the holidays to realize that their favourite hangout was on its last legs, and by the time they realized it was far too late for anything to be done. Normally this wouldn't be that noteworthy, except that in this case said website had over 30-40k users and a reputation for general faggotry of both sorts.

Welcome to Cloudsdale: neckbeards, furries, pedophiles and excessive homosexuality lie herein.

3 videos that prove our hiatus fever is hitting it's stride

What

The 2014 4chan Autumn Babby Cup Megapost: Football's Coming Home

In just a few short weeks, the 4chan Cup returns with its thirteenth edition, jam-packed with hype teams and amazing potential Group Stage matches. Following The Summer of The Fallen, /a/, /b/, /k/, /mlp/, /sp/, /trv/, /v/, and /wg/ are all in the same cup, ready to give fiery competition to their Babby and Fetus-tier brothers. The road to the Autumn Cup has been fraught with twists and turns, new faces and homecoming giants, read on below.

"Why Bronies Masturbate" and other new videos - Adequate Hype edition

Over the last few days, we've seen several new videos that are...."thought provoking" at the very least. We've decided to spotlight them here for you. Up top we have ShelDog's "Why Bronies Masturbate To Ponies" video. Yeah. That's a real video. Check out the other shit below.

Man At Arms forges youtube butthurt

Yesterday, a video appeared on the AWE me channel for the incredibly popular blacksmith show "Man At Arms: Reforged" that is relevant to our interests. On this clip, the team creates a vaguely My Little Pony inspired piece of weaponry/armor that has inflicted as much butthurt as it would real-hurt.

Drama Drought hits state of Clopperfornia, Gallopagos Island residents fear worst

The effects of Hiatus fever have become so deeply rooted in the HN staff that we've begun to forget what being in-season even feels like. While the hiatus has been rolling along for months now, the worst thing imaginable has happened. As if out of some miracle, not only is hiatus in full-swing, but the fandom is actually...behaving. 

Officials have declared that we are witnessing the signs of one of the worst Drama Droughts in human memory, and the Old Clopper's Almanac is not expecting a shitstorm anytime soon.

This has driven some to drastic measures.

Yelling at Cats vs. Mandopony: Crackers with Beef

Biggie Smalls vs. Tupac. Eminem vs. Papa Doc. Shaq vs. Kobe. Lil B vs. Kevin Durant.

ha ha critic i stoel ur vector what u gon do bout it faget?

Yes, many a great musical artist has had a feud in one form or another.  And apparently, Mandopony and Yelling at Cats are no different.