Obituary: The Queen Has Died

Obituary: Queen Fausticorn Dies at 96 Centuries Old 

by Paige Turner, Royal Correspondent

 

Tribute piece by Anon

The Royal Canterlot press office has confirmed that Fausticorn, oldest living creature in the monarchy, and founder of the nation of Equestria, has passed away at ninety-six centuries old.

The Queen witnessed a tumultuous but very successful reign over her kingdom during her period on the throne, from the official founding after helping to banish the wendigoes to the opening of the borders that allowed all types of ponies to live and prosper in harmony. This also included the large influx of migrants during the first century of her reign from former Imperial territories and the Really Massive War, in which she spent service pulling an ambulance cart.

The entire nation of Equestria is in a state of mourning. She leaves behind a nation with rising costs of living on all sectors and increased racial tension partly due to the current war between the security forces of Mares' Co and the comedy campus town known as U Cryin', led by noted comedian Cheese Sandwich (real name Chaz Sandvichskyy).

Season 6 becoming least-watched MLP season to-date

There's no sugar-coating it folks. Season 6, according to the only ratings that are consistent in the cable television market, is becoming the least-watched season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Not even the premier, which is historically one of the most-anticipated events every season, was able to crack 390,000 viewers - a number that represents the LEAST-watched episode of Season 4.

Just recently, the ratings for Episode 5 "Gauntlet of Fire" came in, at a new record-low - a mere 196,000 viewers.

To put that in perspective, it lost to reruns of Evan Almighty and Happy Feet on HBO Prime in the ratings.

Equestria Daily: The Game

Have you ever wanted to experience the exciting experiences of a pony news writer but not want to commit to the pathetic existence it requires? Well look no further, from MarshmallowSupernova comes the brand new EQD simulator. Complete with waifus, fans, crippling alcoholism, and even a superior rival site named Horse News.

Crazed Horse News Intern Finally Put Over The Edge; 2 Injured

Recently the Horse News office staff has been in a very good mood: The prolonged hiatus is ending this weekend, Babscon is also this weekend, and Newsie is finally getting laid on a daily basis. This unfortunately wasn’t enough for one Horse News intern, who had ‘broken his last straw’ earlier this morning. Details after the break.

Cloudsdale: An Introductory Farewell

 On January 1st 2015, a brony social network named Cloudsdale was shut down due to unpaid server bills. Usually it only barely managed to scrape by each month and was saved by some newfag who used it to chat with his "girlfriend" (who more likely than not usually turned out to be either a really ugly dude or a small child around the age of twelve), but December turned out to be different in that said users were too caught up in the holidays to realize that their favourite hangout was on its last legs, and by the time they realized it was far too late for anything to be done. Normally this wouldn't be that noteworthy, except that in this case said website had over 30-40k users and a reputation for general faggotry of both sorts.

Welcome to Cloudsdale: neckbeards, furries, pedophiles and excessive homosexuality lie herein.

Summer Cup 2014 News - /mlp/ and other Big Market Teams RELEGATED!

Earlier today, in a climactic first game of the day, /x/ tied with /diy/, bringing both teams' point totals too high for /mlp/ to attempt to equalize/pass, and they joined the likes of other big teams in the relegation square, waiting for Autumn. Below the break are a few of the other "big teams" to fall in this tragic Summer Cup, and a 100% original comic from a /vg/ anon.

Aoshi Apologizes - An Open Letter to /mlp/

Earlier this week, we posted about the incident involving Ponyville Live and a Brony Musician. Aoshi had become angry at PVL for posting a video of his performance at Trotcon, going as far as to threaten legal action against PVL, but he ultimately apologized for his behavior. That was not the end of the ordeal it seems, as Tumblr and Twitter users began to jump on the story, leaving over 145 comments on it.
This morning, Aoshi has posted a video issuing a formal apology to PVL and an "open letter to /mlp/".

M.A. Larson and Peter New forcing another brony documentary

In yet another attempt to milk this fandom's chapped raw tits for all their worth, it seems we're receiving what can be assumed to be our 129th Brony Documentary. However, following in the trend of staff members being in charge of said films, this film comes to us via Morgan Analravage Larson and Peter "I really only say two things" New.

MLPFacts Discontinued, Nobody Notices or Cares

 In what might just be the most anticlimactic non-event since the release of the Atlas Shrugged movie adaption, the somewhat popular pony Twitter bot @MLPfacts was apparently "discontinued" for some reason, much to the chagrin of...pretty much nobody, from what we've observed.

Hub Network CEO Margaret Loesch Leaving, Stu Synder to replace

Original article here

After a few years working with the Hub Network, and helping it get to where it needs to be, Margaret Loesch is leaving her position as CEO and President of the network after almost 5 years. This truly is a great loss considering who her replacement will be.

History (4)Channel MLP Civil War Special - Narrated by @chelis714

Like every conflict, from the American Revolution to World War II, to Ancient Aliens; the MLP Civil War has left it's mark on History. As such it has earned its very own History (4)Channel special.
Narrated by numerous Anons, and hosted by HN writer Corporal Chelis, you can relive the bloody conflict between the Brony Union and the Equestrian Separatists below.

Obituary: M.A. Larson "Wings" jokes.

At 12:05 EST on 19 May 2014, the "M.A. Larson Wings Joke" officially passed away. After a year long struggle, Mitch "Coronate a Bitch" Larson was thanked ironically for the last time, and the joke was pronounced dead at the Twitter Hospital for Meme Veterans. 

Cringe Corner: Multiverse Feeling™©®℠

After the complete and total assmad autistic failure success with our last Cringe Corner©, we decided to bring you something even worse. It appears that Tumblr© has now leaked in to both blogger© and Horse News© comments, with the social justice™ warrior blogger™ that no one even looks at but us, Multiverse© Feeling©™

(Copyrighted by HorseNews©, don't steal this article okay?)

Horse News Draws for jimmies

We here at Horse News are not shy at all to controversy or even the trivial jabs at our writing abilities. However, after responding to our Cringe Corner article, user xxxSnIpErStOoXeYbBYxxXD went over the line and said we either don't draw or can't draw well ourselves.  My god that's simply terrible, as well as insensitive. In fact we were so insulted we wanted to showcase our incredible abilities in a new series we like to call "Horse News Draws". But what exactly did we draw? We wanted to create pieces that would fit the spirit of our site and the board that spawned us, while all together having a deeper meaning than what's on the face, certainly not like some disney drawing.

Rainbow Dash with her favorite phallic objects seemed appropriate.

Jim Norton lays smackdown - /mlp/ raises over $3400 for RAINN (Update: Make that $4400)

Upon the suspension of her Tumblr, Horse-News placed a moratorium on any discussion of on particular Social Justice Warrior, who was responsible for the "Down With Molestia" campaign that cost the fandom one of its most beloved ask blogs. Today, we break that moratorium, because of something that makes us laugh. Today, famous comedian Jim Norton put the Pink-haired Self-Proclaimed "Princess" back in her place.

Check Your Privilege - For real this time

If there is one thing there is only one thing that Buzzfeed is good for, and that is making enormous stupid lists.
While a solid 99 percent of these should go completely ignored, we were recently sent a link to a topic very near and dear to us: our overwhelming amounts of privilege. Once and for all, you can finally determine if everything those Social Justice Warriors have been yelling at you has been true or not, with a concrete privilege percentage score. We here at Horse-News recently had our staff take the exam, and were shocked at the results.

Lunafags prepare to spazz out over Lunar Eclipse tonight

Lunafags the world over  await tonight anxiously, for the first total lunar eclipse of 2014, which also marks the first lunar eclipse to be visible in North America since 2011 (and the start of the ride). Fans of formerly-worst princess are ready to unleash an assault on their twitter feeds, facebook pages, and blogs, with long-thought out but overused moon-related puns as the celestial event begins.

School of Rock 2: Now with less Jack Black, and even less hope

Remember that movie "School of Rock", the PG version of Tenacious D that was full of drug references and subtle molestation jokes? We wish we could say that's what this movie was going to be, based on one of the chapter titles, but alas, we cannot.
Yesterday, the first chapter preview of the Rainbow Cocks Rocks 2 novel was released on itunes. Almost instantly Electric Scootaloo was relegated to the shit-can. Luckily the HIDF was on-hand for damage control. Lets take a look at the failure unfolding before our very eyes.

PinkiePony's tumblr FINALLY gone

After 2 long years of the most awful behavior on the most retina-destroying tumblr theme imaginable, it finally happened. April Davis' tumblr was finally deleted by tumblr. For real this time. The celebration can be heard far and wide across the internet.

Beating a Dead Horse: Magical Mystery Cure

          I'm back from the dead, with another article! Now, some of you might be asking "Okay faggot, so what is this?" and my answer is: Why it's another episode review article series, where I take a look at bad episo-

        HEY ASSHOLE, COME BACK HERE, I SEE YOU SCROLLING PAST ME!

        Now that you're back, the answer is in fact that I'll be reviewing episodes generally panned as being bad by the fandom. Now why am I any different from those other over-opinionated asshole on the internet who's spouted the exact same thing since the episodes broadcasted?

        Well, for starters, I won't just be examining the bad, I'll take a look at what was arguably done right. I will also be detailing behind-the-scenes info that may have led to a shoddier script and over-all weaker episode.

        Now, if you're still with me on this little journey, let's get started with the first article, and we start off with a bang, tackling the elephant in the fandom: Magical Mystery Cure. It's been over a year since this fateful episode, let's take a look back at it now that the dust has finally settles.