Frontline Dispatches: 'Vladdy' Maud Pie Tin 'Stalled on All Fronts'

You can see our previous coverage of the ongoing war here

Over the first few days of this conflict, Maud Pie's armed security forces have been steadily advancing from her research commune, Mares' Co, into the neighbouring settlement of Ewe-Crying on the Crying River, and have been making significant gains in various places. However, the operations have slowly stalled as they approached more built-up areas of the town.

What follow is an update of the situation.


CAVE – Maud's party cannon brigade and armored cars have been slowed to a halt around the CAVE comedy club and the Cave Neighbourhood on the other side of the Crying River. Attempts for both parts of the pincer movement to join up over the bridge and surround the town have been stopped dead, with smoke bomb attacks launched in retaliation picking off targets in the convoy. The area is named for the nearby cave complex that could provide valuable defense if needs be. However, Mayor Cheese Sandwich has vowed that he will not be retreating.

The Mares' Co troops have been reduced to sitting on one side of the wall to the town, glaring and shaking their hooves as glitterbombs filled with shrapnel are dropped on them by balloon from above.

Car Cave – The area in the east of town, close to the boundary line with Mares' Co, has been a major target for Pie's forces, as many of the farming equipment and other vehicles are stationed here. However, instead of the forces from Maud's self-declared 'Valid Maud Pie Town' taking any of the equipment for use in a further push west, they have been beaten back time and time again by the locals. This is what happens, it seems, when you fight a comedian.

"If you can laugh in the face of adversity, you’re bullet-proof." - Ricky Gelding

U Laughin – The University of Laughing, near the Cave Neighbourhood and the railway, is currently being used as a shelter for foals and the elderly.

Amusements Factory - Formally known as Derpnipro, this facility has not yet been reached. It contains a power waterwheel and processing plants for his range of toys and gag gifts. This has not been reached yet but will provide a vital stepping stone to overthrowing the Ewe-Crying Council and Mayor Cheese Sandwich .

Maypole – The arts neighborhood in the South of Town, know for its signature Maypole and Maypole Theatre, is currently surrounded but holding out . Food and water is currently low, and the town is being shelled by party cannon and fire-based attacks from Earth Pony magic. Most defense experts agree that this will lead to a siege and starvation, and that in strictly strategic terms, is the act of a complete and utter bastard.

The Zap Apple Rinser has also been taken and experts fear another natural disaster could be imminent. This plant makes power from electrolysis as a a byproduct of rinsing zap apples from the local farm for their use in their range of electric toffee apples, and other prank foods.

The Don'task neigborhood has been taken completely, aided by the workers on strike at the clay mines factory, which they have laid claim to.

Perhaps this war can change direction after all. This reporter is hopeful.

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