The Kebab is Worst Turk: Excerpt from Horse Foopers (Fim's) Homework



The worst threat to human kind is the kebab (skewer stuff). A kebab has no sense of morals, decency or humanity. They are swine that murder and rape across the lands of glorious Serbia. The kebab is a nuisance, a pest to the glorious Yugoslavs. The kebab must be removed.

In the 1910s, the kebab was first made. This was a mistake by the peoples of Ottoman. As soon as the kebab broke free from their holdings in ankara, they ransacked the hills of Constantinople. To this day the lands of the Western Roman Empire are plagued by kebab, with an everlasting scar over the holy capital in the name of Istanbul. This rancid name, the name of kebab, is the pimple on the face on the earth that allows for kebab.

Constantinople is not the only loss to the kebab over the years. After the creation of the kebab, world war one began. This was caused by the kebab. The assassination of holy god of slavia was perpetrated by the leader of the kebab resistance force in order to destabilize the land of Serb for hostile kebab take over. From then on, until the reign of Glorious Yugoslav, the kebab had reigned supreme oppressor of the slavic peoples.

When Glorious Yugoslav was born, the kebab trembled in the shadows of unity and brotherhood of the slavic peoples. The slavic peoples came together to end the crimes against slav that the kebabs had been able to commit over and over without oversight. A wise man learns from not only his mistakes, but others as well; likewise the slavs had learned from the Armenians that a good kebab is a dead one. Thus the rapture had begun. and kebab was no more.

In 1990s, the kebab had widdled their way into Glorious Yugoslav politics and began to split the bond of unity that held the slavic nations together like glue. Soon war began, and the kebab had one, until one man, one brave glorious leader rose up to save the capitol of Glorious Yugoslav, named [REDACTED] With his serenades and battle cry "Serbja Stronk," he led Glorious Yugoslav to remove the kebab menace from Balkan Once and for all. Though victory was one, it has been bittersweet as kebab today still murders and destroys.

The current target of kebab is the United States. Kebab uses their Persian black magic to control the Arabs through the use of magical space rocks. They desire to topple the regime of supreme kebab Hussien Obama, as Supreme kebab does not want glory for all kebabs, but only the glory of the lead kebab. Obama is not only the tyrant of Amurica’, but the tyrant of kebabs; Truly the worst evil that that devolves the demons of hell into sheep and cowards.

Kebab has murdered and pillaged many, and caused the topplings of many a benevolent empire. Kebab must be removed to secure the sanctity of the peoples of the glorious republics of the world.

In order to remove kebab, we must enlist the help of many a serb to pillage the kebab country side. The main weakness of the kebab is genocide, of which the Germans know very well. We must also enlist the help of the blood thirsty armenians, as they desire vengeance for them being genocided.

Kebab is also vulnerable to fire. In my studies I notice a peculiar flame enhancement property of the kebabs skin. It creates a tender crispy layer that really adds to the flavor of the overall dish. I prefer my kebabs spit roasted with olives and fresh peppers drizzled with a delectable pepper sauce with minced garlic on a bed of sauteed onions. The serbs make a delicious kebab goulash. It reminds me of mother’s cooking on a warm spring night in the foothills of Poland near one of those (gorgeous) Jewish camps.

Overall the kebab is a plague on mankind that must be removed. The safety of human kind lays in the hands of the few that can band together to destroy the pests. It is not easy, but heed the advice of expert kebab removers, and make avoid of NATO bombs, and we will all succeed in the removal of kebab..

Signed Yours Truly


Comments (10)

  1. "...the main weakness of the kebab is genocide..."

    That's a pretty uncommon weakness I'd say.

    1. That was the Jews' weakness, too! This is some Davinci Code shit right here.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Meh, Kebab's alright I guess.

  4. /k/ here, we should have never let any of your fuckers get serbia stronk.

  5. Oh my god! Who. The hell. CARES?!

  6. i cri evrtim

  7. I think this is the plot for his new fanfic.

  8. Only two kinds of kebab good. Kebab over rice from halal food truck down the street and dead kebab in streets of Serbia. Hot sauce goes well with both.