A Christmas Card from Horse News

Twas the night before Christmas
And all cross Horse News
Our writers were clopping
and Guzzling booze
The hatemail was deleted
from the box without care
In the hopes that more fan-nudes
soon would be there

The writers were snuggled, with their plushies in bed
As visions of Braeburned pics, danced in their heads

And Critic and Chelis, and yours-truly "The Cap"
Had just logged back on, for a last minute fap

When out on the board there arose such a laughter
We clicked to our blue tabs to see what was the matter

In my Google Chrome window, I clicked with a flash
closed my tabs of Flutters humping Rainbow Dash

And moonbutt's breasts, and caps from the show
And our story of a man and the horses he'd blow

When what to our wandering eyes should appear?
A shitstorm in-progress, the time was finally here

With a butthurt anon who was posting so quick
We knew in an instant he must be a prick

More rapid than whiteknights the posters they came
And they badgered and shouted, and called them all names
"Hey asshole, hey dipshit, hey dumbass and newfag
Hey tumblr, hey mootles, hey Hasdrone and Oldfag
To the top of the page, to the top of the board,
now onto raid, onto raid, onward my hoards!"

With a pastebin of dox, and with Twitter's help too,
And there, even Tinker was lending "a hoof",
We set out on our mission to expose some douche

As we gathered our screencaps and were looking around
Out crawled our subject from his hole in the ground

He was Anti-S-Fur, and bronies and smut,
And there was a large stick that was lodged in his butt

And a pile of insults he had on reserve
like "bronies are retards and misogynist pervs"

His eyes, oh how sunken
His fedora, how merry
You know he had never punctured anyone's cherry

From his SJW mouth the diarrhea did flow
And the anons began laughing "lolfagetplsgo"

The shell of a thought, he held tight in his brain
He came here to conquer but was leaving in pain

He had an unshaven face, and dorito-filled belly
That sweats when he talks, oh jesus how smelly
He was indignant and pissed, the tired old troll
Defending the waifu he had deep in his soul

With the shitfit he threw, and the shit that he's done
Let the HN crew know "this is gonna be fun"

He wrote many words, so we got right to work
Let the whole world know that this guy is a jerk
And laying a cursor to publish the post
Out to the world to witness our roast

Quick to the comments he flew like a flash
Damage control, but it was too late for that

A toast from the crew before we vanished from sight
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Horse News is going on holiday for the next 48 hours unless something SUPER important comes up.


Comments (5)

  1. >Anti-S-Fur

    Does this mean that G-Fur is A-OK?

  2. I'm so sorry, I had to. "Dramatic" Reading time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClqgJZcxHMU

    1. aww, you removed it

    2. Anon you colossal faggot, why did you remove it?