M.A. Larson throws cool pizza party no one attends

M.A. Larson, shortly after his "party" ended

ROCHESTER, MN - "I thought people liked me," sighed a dejected M.A. Larson. "I guess mom was right: not even fat losers want free pizza and whisky if I'm gonna be there"

After weeks of planning, scheduling, and anticipation, Larson threw a special pizza party for him and his brony fans today, an event that not even the most desperate attention whore attended. Along with Larson's virginity and self-esteem, two dozens pizzas and six handles of various alcoholic beverages were completely untouched after it became apparent even the desperate denizens of the internet skipped out.

Don't worry homiez, I got the Teen Zone hourz. https://t.co/u1ZkZd6iZT pic.twitter.com/dhgWmQwuyr

— M.A.Larson (@M_A_Larson) May 18, 2016

Final announcements for the party were made yesterday, shortly following Larson's securing the super cool teen zone at his local library for his party. What followed were hours of preparation including blowing up hundreds of balloons, setting all the tables, renting out multiple expensive games, and even a chocolate fountain. Fans, as usual, still didn't care and not one of the nearly twenty-five thousand invited guests even stopped by to be polite to him.

"Sigh" sighed Larson, followed by the bubbling of his third malt liquor. "You know, grown men who write about ponies have feelings too. Strong men also cry...strong men also cry." Larson went on to keep making Coen brothers references for twenty minutes before retiring to the floor of his pink mansion, surrounded by both riches and emptiness.

Don't worry Larson. Horse News still moderately appreciates you. In an unrelated note, if you'd like a new staff writer I'm available for freelance work. Tweet me. Please.