Larson Announces Bid for President

If the clusterfuck of Republican presidential candidates has taught us anything, it's that just about anyone and everyone is running for president these days.
And, of course, that this man should win.
Earlier today, M.A. Larson joined the array of potential presidential candidates by announcing his bid for office via Twitter.

Larson will most likely run under the Free Pony Party, meaning he will compete with their perennial candidate Vermin Supreme for the party's bid.

In a bold and daring move to inspire belief in him and his campaign, Larson has taken the audacious step of having his official Presidential portrait done before even being nominated.

His campaign staffers have already undertaken the hefty task of trying to make up ground in a presidential race that is well underway. When asked what he thinks about overcoming such great odds in his potential route to the Oval Office, Larson had only this to say: "Hey, if you think that's large, you've never seen a BronyCon attendee!"
But while Larson's signature wit may win him over some voters, his choice of staffing his campaign entirely with coworkers from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" has been questioned by some.

Despite an array of "pls responds" sent on my end, Donald Trump could not be reached for comment. However, the Donald Trump Insult Generator had plenty to say about Larson and his campaign:
I wish Donald Trump-senpai would insult me!
In terms of other Republican candidates, the only answers we got from the rest of the field were an incredibly angry and homophobic letter from Rick Santorum addressing his views on our love of miniature horses and a return question from Jeb Bush about how this would impact his ability to win the Latino vote.

On the Democrat side, Hillary Clinton first said she was a fan of Larson's work and was fine with his involvement in what many consider a cult fandom. The next day, however, she found a public opinion poll showing that the majority of Americans are against bronies and immediately retracted her previous letter.

Bernie Sanders, however, was much more sympathetic to Larson's candidacy, saying at a recent campaign rally "Hello, people of—" "BLACK LIVES MATTER! BLACK LIVES MATTER! BLACK LIVES MATTER! TRAYVON DINDU NUFFIN!"

This picture isn't actually relevant.
I just wanted you all to know true pain.
Larson has not officially declared a stance on any major issues yet, but what kind of journalists would we be if we didn't rampantly speculate on these kinds of things with absolutely no evidence or reason?

Same-sex marriage:
Larson: "I ship it."

Keystone XL Pipeline:
L: "Actually, I wear a 2XL."

Gun Control:
L: "My concealed carry permit may one day be my only defense against the hordes of neckbeards."
L: "No zebras."

War & Peace:
L: "Too long, didn't read."

The Economy:
L: "Buy my book."

Comments (9)

  1. He's got my vote.

  2. He's got my vote.

  3. He's go my vote.

  4. I love how we still have a "time since hiatus ENDED" counter on the right. It makes me realise the hiatus ended for less than half a year...

    1. hiatuses for everyone !

    2. >The Personified Abstract Concept Of Hiatus (PACOH) slinked into the room, a misty air of gin hanging off her breath, and a lacy teddy clinging to her strangely sweaty chest, like construction paper to glue.
      "C'mere, big *belch* boy, Mamma wants sum sugar..."
      >The Fandom shifted nervously in the couch cushion, beads of perspiration dripping off his forehead. Unconsciously, The Fandom adjusted his tie, centering it beneath the buttoned collar (the fourth time in 5 minutes if The Fandom had been aware of this tic).
      >PACOH plopped her warm tush next to The Fandom, closer than he was comfortable. Rudely, he shifted a few inches away from her.
      >Unfazed, PACOH downed the rest of the bottle, and wipe her mouth with the back of her hand as the thrown bottle crashed against the nightstand.
      "I *hic* think yer *hic hic* cute, Fandom."
      "T-thats nice, PACOH..."
      "You want my body, Fandom?"
      >Without waiting for an affirmative, PACOH tore off her lingerie, revealing her supple, perky body. Every inch of her pulsating with eager, infectious energy, just waiting for that moment when The Fandom would take every inch of her, gliding his hands over her excited nipples, squishing the tender and fat breasts and perhaps even taking one in his mouth, tracing his fingers down her legs and thighs, until reaching the golden land of promise. She spasmed at the thought of him jamming his tongue inside her, scraping every corner of her warm and inviting gash, licking the moist goodness before taking out his throbbing cock, and pushing it within her, as if it were the key to some long, lost, and sacred treasure chest, before cresting into a gentle rhythm that would progress faster and faster. Each powerful thrust, taking her breath away, replaced with screams of unspeakable ecstasy. Each forceful thrust, a sacrement to the love The Fandom had for her, and a testament to the truest romance she had ever known in her life!
      >PACOH reached over to kiss him on the lips, to get the juices flowing.
      >However, The Fandom was gone.
      >In place, on the couch, was a note, and when she read it, tears gushed from her eyes, as sobriety hit her like a mack truck to the face:

      "I just want to watch ponies."

  5. hate to burst everyone's bubble but if he isn't 35 or over he CAN NOT run for president before you ask it says so in the constitution specially article 2 section 1 clause 5 other than that I have no objections

    1. yes iam aware this is a joke but still

  6. The nostalgia over the Scmoyoho dub of Vermin Supreme lol "free ponies for all" lmao
    Also I knew this is a joke obvsly