Princess Celestia invokes Prima Nocta, sets sights on Donkey Couple.

It's an ancient right that has not been invoked in decades, but sources confirm that Princess Celestia of Equestria is dusting off the old nethers for a night of passion with Cranky Doodle Donkey. "Prima Nocta" as it is so called, grants the royal family the right to plow newlyweds on their wedding night, and with the first non-royal wedding in ages a mere month away, Celestia is getting ready for "a piece of ass".

The Princess has already made plans to abduct the groom shortly after the credits roll on the 100th episode in which his wedding will be shown, an insider report shows. When asked why she did not invoke the right during the wedding of Cadence and Shining Armor, she replied with a simple "been there, done that". She did not indicate which party she was referring to.

The exact laws governing Prima Nocta are rather vague, and only indicate that the royal is allowed to take the newlywed for their own pleasure "on thier wedding night". The logic of this arbitrary time period is called into question, when it is Celestia's own duty to end the night in the first place.

Historians indicate that this fact may be tied to a mysterious period of pony history known as "The Dark Ages".

Princess Luna has reportedly never invoked the right, as according to her, she's "too busy working" on wedding nights.

Cranky Doodle Donkey declined to comment on his future evening with the Princess. His fiance Matilda was unable to comment, as she had Cranky Doodle's Donkey Dick in her mouth at the time of writing.

Comments (9)