It was a somber day on the Internet earlier when it was confirmed by experts that "everything was ruined everywhere" by "some fucking thing" that "some asshole did". Sources assure us that "this is a huge fucking deal" and is, as industry leaders say "serious business".
The huge fucking deal was caused earlier when some fucking asshole said some fucking thing about some other fucking asshole about some fucking show and some fucking website.
People deeply personally affected by this dumb fucking thing that some asshole said, took to our comments section to inform us how WE were personally responsible for all their fucking troubles, despite the fact that "no one gives a shit" about what we have to say, about this thing which is still a huge fucking deal.
A recent poll about the huge fucking deal shows that over 60% of people are "mad as fuck" about something that someone said, and 40% "don't give a fuck whatsoever", despite the fact they came out in droves to discuss the "big fucking deal".
Government officials have said in a press conference that it is best to stay indoors until everything is no longer ruined forever by some fucking thing or other, because it is clearly really goddamned important. The surgeon general has issued a statement regarding the treatment of anal rupturing, due to the fucking thing that some asshole said at some point.
"It is important for the citizens of the internet, who may be affected by the fucking thing that some asshole said, to recognize the symptoms of butthurt, and know how to treat it effectively." the Surgeon General said, while receiving a flurry of middle fingers at a press conference. "If someone seems to be irritable, violent, or generally dickish, they may be suffering from anal rupturing, due to the dumb fucking thing that asshole said. If they begin taking things too seriously, and are opposed to fun while simultaneously spouting off conspiracy theories, call an ambulance immediately."
Initial reports of casualties from the fucking thing that happened number in the tens of ones, the epicenter being the comment section of some website that totally must be taken seriously at all times.
Thanks, M.A. Larson.
ReplyDeleteFebruary was so slow, we had to import our drama half a month late.
ReplyDeleteAll because sometimes, it's possible for a person to have more than one interest at a time. The horror!
Tumblr autism.
ReplyDeleteNot even once.
You fucked up, HN. You fucked up bad on the Twatter.
ReplyDeleteI am so confused.
ReplyDeleteSTOP STEALING A SHOW MADE FOR WOMEN, NON BINARIES, TRANS PEOPLE, OTHERKINS, AND LITTLE GILRS! IT WASN'T CREATED FOR MEN OR ANYONE ELSE WHO ARE NOT THOSE 5 THINGS I MENTIONED. WE WILL PUSH YOU BRONIES AND HORESFUCKERS BACK IF YOU ENTER OUR SAFE FANDOM! WE WILL SACRIFICE OURSELVES FOR THIS SHOW BY DRAGGING YOU INTO THE OCEAN WITH US!
ReplyDeleteAND WE'RE TAKING BACK OUR PONIES TOO! YOU DON'T BELONG SO GO AWAY!
Remember when we blocked transmission and downloading of a TV show to anyone but the ones we ourselves chose?
DeleteThat was awesome. We should do that again sometime.
I think this is a joke but if you changed a few of the words around this would be indistinguishable from a tumblr post.
DeleteThe hiatus is almost over, but some of us already died inside.
ReplyDelete10/10 would hiatus again
ReplyDeleteI don't know what the fuck you're going on about. But I do.
ReplyDeleteya'll dun goof'd consequences will never be the same. Call cyber police backtracing division now
ReplyDeleteMad? I am fucking PISSED. That asshole just came out and SAID that dumb fucking thing, like it was nothing. Who DOES that?
ReplyDeleteExemplified above: Every drama ever
ReplyDelete