Bronies Stimulate Rear End of 1st Quarter With Surge in Asset Aquisitions

McDonald's shows 7 point gain since adoption of My Little Pony Toys

Ever since the release of the official My Little Pony Rainbow Power Happy Meal toy, Bronies around the world have flocked to McDonalds to get their grease coated fingers on these rare collectible toys.

This sudden surge in business has shown to be very beneficial to the international fast food super chain, showing a steady increase value ever since March 28th when the toys released. McDonald shares have shown an 8% increase since the end of the first quarter.

The release of the new line of McDonalds toys, celebrating the upcoming Equestria Girls 2, comes after a 1.7% slump in sales during Q1 of the 2014 fiscal year. Spotting the impotent wallets of Bronies, McDonalds set out to capitalize on this unique opportunity and wiped the floor with a near total hostile acquisition of the emerging  My Little Pony toy market.

Horse News Wall Street correspondent, Anon Shecklestien, states that McDonalds manipulation of the My Little Pony toy market effectively turned McDonalds declining sales around, and was "An expert move in public manipulation and an inspirational business model that other companies should follow immediately. 

In fact, not only 3 weeks ago, Coca Cola (COKE, KO) released an advertisement campaign featuring the moon of Nightmare Moon clad in Coke Red and White in an effort to capitalize on the "Spaghetti Rush" of Q1 2014. The companies shares grew about 3% in the subsequent weeks, but since both have slumped to -4% of the original share price. This move seemed to backfire on Coke, as after Bronies were swindled into buying soda, they soon realized that Coke sucks, and went back to their natural source of nutrients, Mountain Dew. This surge in sales bolstered the stocks of the parent company and Coke rival, PepsiCo (PEP) by almost 3%.

With the end of of Season 4 and the coming hiatus, we can expect more and more fortune 500 companies try to capitalize of the wallets of bored and depressed Bronies across the markets. 

Anon Shekelstien expects a ten fold increase of interest in investing in Brony related assets, and states that a near total collapse of Bronies financial assets.
"Bronies can expect a complete depletion of their personal assets over the course of Q2 and Q3. In order to retain financial stability, I recommend in investing in Shekels. Buy Gold! BUY GOLD AND BITCOIN! BITCOIN IS THE FUTURE! GIB SHEKELS GOY- *feed cut*"

Comments (3)

  1. >There are people who still believe that bronies aren't the primary contributors to mlp

  2. >Bronies Stimulate Rear End

    This is all I needed to know.

  3. >Anon Shecklestien

    I admit. I loled.