Jon Stewart leaves the Daily Show for Horse News

After conservative correspondent Stephen Colbert left in December and South Park allowed PewDiePie on television, it was clear the ratings were not the greatest over at Comedy Central. Daily Show host Jon Stewart was not pleased, and has decided to retire from his ground breaking program to pursue his real dream: writing about cartoon ponies.

Sixteen years is a long time. To put it all in perspective, it's the average amount of time one takes to leave a vagina only to cram themselves right back in one. Jon Stewart began his stint as the Daily Show in an awful time known as the late '90s, taking over for mediocre comedian and The Benchwarmers side character Craig Kilborn. What's followed are over 2,500 episodes of topic comedy, history, perfectly parodied news, blaming Republicans, and Stephen Colbert ultimately stealing the premise and making it better.

Eighteen Emmy awards, Two Peabody awards, and several thousand Jew jokes later, it seems Jon Stewart's reign has come to an end. However Stewart does not want his faithful viewers to worry, because he's not completely done with delivering news that matters. After the news of his retirement broke today, we got an email from Stewart expressing his love for our site, comedy, and Rarity. His hebrew statement has been translated below.

"After the sixteen wonderful years with my staff over at Comedy Central, I would be honored to join Horse News. With decades of satirical writing under my belt and a passion for My Little Pony under the same belt, nothing would be more fulfilling than writing about colorful ponies and their disgusting fandom with my fellow social degenerates. I already have a wonderful story about Rarity kicking Rush Limbaugh in the balls! Clearly, this will work out wonderfully."

-Jon Stewart

Jon, of course we'd be honored to have you on the staff. We've got your desk, three quarts of scotch, and film-making participation award already set up for you in Detroit. Just email us your address, social security number, credit card information, and mother's maiden name and we'll get you squared away. Welcome aboard, and thank you for sixteen hilarious years of making the actual news bearable to watch.

We actually just watched his announcement while writing this. In all seriousness, Horse News loves the daily show. But we prefer Colbert. Sorry, bud.

Comments (9)

  1. >That sexy gif
    I'm not a homosexual, but I'm transfixed by that gif, simply because it's amazing how young Stephen Colbert is in it.

  2. I'm not gay, but I'd totally blow all three of those shirtless hunks so long as Carell doesn't star in another Disney movie

  3. First Colbert now John Stewart... man, who's gonna tell me about Obama fucking up now?
    RIP in Piece Indecision 2016

  4. Yet here in England we have a conveyor belt of satirists willing to tell you have crap politics is here.

    1. Yeah and they all suck too mate.
      Don't pretend we have good comedians.
      We don't.

  5. I would celebrate their impending televised demise but for the knowledge that something worse will all too likely replace them.

  6. The basic speculation given is estimable. Can’t be any better.
    Joseph Hayon