Top Secret Portal to Equestria discovered inside moon. Google offers prize to mine it

They finally found it.

After years of searching, and compiling all the data known to mankind, Google has secretly discovered what they believe to be the portal to Equestria, hidden deep in the lunar core, and have launched a campaign to get there as soon as possible. Disguised as a contest to acquire metals and precious materials such as gold and platinum, the true intentions of the tech conglomerate were revealed only to the worthy.

But where Google sees opportunity, others see danger.

"It's Equestrian magic, but they will never reach the portal" warns one Russian physicist, who had previously worked for the Soviet Space Program. "Why you think we Russians never go there? We knew of danger."

The readings that Google has taken DO in fact indicate Equestrian magic, but the company is unaware that it belongs to the banished nightmare spirit, which had previously possessed both Princess Luna and Rarity among others.

"The fools think they will find friendship on dark side of moon," explains Yuri. "I tell you this: there is reason it is dark."

This secret has been passed around privileged circles for decades now, even resulting in numerous films and television shows that warn of the dangers of mining and drilling on the moon, due to evil, powerful monsters.

There are those who believe that the Google executives know exactly what they are doing, and they fully intend to harness the evil nightmare powers in the name of the Ponilluminati, a secret society of powerful people (known members of the Ponilluminati include Coca Cola, McDonalds, Chase Bank, and Jet Blue Airways).

The group has been using the image of Nightmare Moon to communicate for many months now, leading up to the announcement of the XPrize.

Independent groups from around the world are racing to be the first to the portal, and they are all being privately funded. An American group of bronies has joined the race, with a large contribution by a well-known sports commentator.


Comments (7)

  1. D-does that Coca Cola page have a brohoof button? I need to find it and click it right now.

    1. That's Ponyhoof, an extension for Facbook which ponifies pretty much every apect of Facebook's GUI and adds some decent looking backgrounds and themes too. It's pretty nice.
      >inb4 back to ponychan
      >inb4 >using facebook ever

    2. So we're making a group to a better life? :D

  2. Hey, is this satire? Because I am autistic and fully incapable of reading jokes also I believe that Google is working with other organizations in a secret pony-focused cabal in the hopes of taking over the world.

    Pls respond ASAP so I can decide whether or not to sell the nuclear launch codes I have available

    1. Hello, I am a Nigerian prince in need of help and I know you are a stand up guy Anon. Please give me your email so I can get in contact with you about a mutual agreement which would benefit you.

  3. Eeeeh, moon is overrated. Some 10% of asteroids are literally giant floating mountains of pure metal, including more platinum than you will ever need, and you don't even need to waste fuel against their gravity field! Those are where the big bucks lay.

  4. The moon is from Bootes run by reptoids so called bible gods yahwe satan etc its a giant space war/ transport ship, the gods are not really gods more like parasite race sucking/stealing everything what is to suck/steal mainly our life force, white people genetics mining minerals and metals, crystals - they take anythng because is free to them once full the moon will explode the earth same way like bush did the 3 buildings to cover up the financial scams and depart to the next healthy rich planet, kind of like planet cancer disease first ssuck it then kill it, how it looks inside ? see vatican sphere on YT, oh and what they are up to ? they want to change the white, black and red people world to the reptoid yellow asian machine world , obama and others are the remote robots preteding to be humans their goal to kill us softly so we wont know, gmo forbidden to be labeled in states is the part of the white races slow genocide, states is the main front for killing whites, in europe whites are stiil smart and refuse gmo but clinton lady is threatning