Carbs, Cartoons, Condoms, and Cocaine - the Nightmare Nights Story

Not pictured: 200 people waiting for Tabitha's Autograph
Despite our best efforts, the Horse News team has survived EbolaCon Nighmare Nights 2: Electric Scootaloo. And dear lord what a weekend. Between the carbs, cartoons, condoms, and cocaine, we don't know where to begin. So let's start with the beginning of the journey to Dallas.

I was later informed that I was not alone on my plane, but shared it with a couple guys from EQD. Being ignorant of this may have been a godsend as the plane was delayed 2 hours and it prompted me to drink all of the rations I had on my person before takeoff. It was only upon arriving that I saw them on the curb waiting for a shuttle to the con. We were off to a slow, but great start.

The rest of the con ran the gambit of being totally relaxed and absolute mayhem, depending who you were with and where you were at the time.

Pictured: Chef Sandy with Cocaine.
Con-chair Chef Sandy was even seen doing Cocaine in an effort to keep up. Luckily the HN van which rolled in all the way from California had brought a huge supply of Cocaine with them in preparation for the weekend. The energy drink is quite spicy for those who have never had it.

Some of us however cannot run, purely on cocaine and smiles, so "BarBeCon" was established, as we crammed over a dozen people into vehicles and trekked 20 miles to an all-you-can-eat Barbecue joint, which was recommended to me by a long-bearded shuttle driver who told me about the truth behind the JFK assassination. Because that is exactly the type of person you take barbecue advice from.

As it so happened, he was right, and the food was amazing (and probably about JFK too). It was definitely worth getting nearly run off the road, and having beer cans flung at us from lifted trucks barreling down the highway. After we were done eating pounds of barbecued meat for $15 each, the owner of the restaurant asked if we wanted to come out back to see his huge Armadillo. Which seemed like a good idea at the time.

We discovered how easy it would be to snuff the entire HN staff, as he lead us willingly into a back alley to look at his champion smoker/grill. To be fair, it breathes fire, so that's badass.

Following that, it was time for opening ceremonies, where we learned the reasons that some VIPs had not arrived yet - Tabitha having just landed a new job, which is neat. A contingent was dispatched to the liquor store to acquire provisions for the remainder of the weekend. 

The /mlp/arty went off without a hitch, and we are sure that rumors of its contents will emerge eventually, but we can confirm the existence of these: the BABScondoms. To our knowlege, these condoms are the first ever to feature a pony on the wrapper, and were ordered by a rogue nor/mlp/erson as a result of a joke made during the previous /mlp/arty at BABScon this year. 

The con-chair of BABS was at NMND, and could only shake her head in disbelief that yet another joke had become reality (it is important to note that BABS in no-way approved or sanctioned the creation of these prophylactics). 

Whether any of these condoms will be used for anything more than balloon animals is hard to say.

Saturday brought the third straight day of non-sobriety, and the main events for the con. WeAreBorg, and Cynder (the couple who got engaged at the previous Nightmare Nights) were holding a wedding ceremony at this year's convention, with Tabitha officiating. The event was largely amusing, as the event was continually interrupted in ridiculous fashions, in an exaggerated rendition of the Canterlot wedding scenario.

At one point, the groom was abducted by 4 men in horse masks and replaced with Deadpool, making the ship much more acceptable.

There was a reception later in the day in which the groom tempted fate by having me carry the cake - a food item at a convention. By some miracle I didn't drop it.

During the day, of all people, a Flash-Sentry cosplayer won the highly-coveted Twilight Sparkle plushie. Not even joking. In the dull periods, many attendees gathered around to play Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder and Cards Against humanity while watching cartoon network on the Bar's television. It was surreal to watch cartoons featuring Tabitha's voice with her in the other room.

On Saturday, /mlp/ played /trv/ in the Autumn 4chan Babby Cup, which prompted the nor/mlp/eople at Nightmare Nights to set up a viewing area for the match. We commandeered the Business Center and it's wide-screen computers for the stream. Immediately following the first /mlp/ goal, Josh Haber and other staff members were noticed standing outside the room on their way to something else. We managed to pull Haber in and briefly explained the event, just as the second goal was scored. He cheered and high-fived us and asked to be kept updated on the team's progress. 

/mlp/ won 3-0, putting the team through the knockout stages, and became one of the first teams guaranteed to go through to the Winter Cup. For those of you wondering, no the staff didnt hear the song at the end unfortunately, because we had to mute the stream in the last few minutes.

We gained some information that anons were looking for from Josh and G.M., but those will have to wait until our audio gets transcribed from the interviews.

The true main event of the con was clearly the panel "A Drink with Mitch Larson and Foal Papers", which needed to have the hotel bring in dozens more chairs to accommodate the audience. The panel consisted of most of the VIPs and just about anyone else with a drink in their hand. No known recordings of the panel exist, as all audience members were expressly asked not to record the shenanigans, such as Amy Keating Rogers performing one of her original songs, and Larson calling Peter New and Andrea Libman on the phone. Foal Papers handed out some free candy, that we didn't even need to get in a van for (this time), and Horse News handed out free...other things to everyone.

The charity auction raised an absurd amount of money for St. Jude's Children's Hospital, which is wonderful, including the just over $40 that Foal Papers paid for a box of Mexican Asparagus signed by show staff, and LeekFish's cursed artwork fetching a pretty penny as well.

Eventually, the con did have to come to an end, with many goodbyes and "see you at BABScon"s, as what will be for many the last con of the year came to a close, with no confirmed cases of Ebola or revoked badges (it seems we were more likely to be downed by the carbs than by concrud).

It was confirmed that Nightmare Nights will return in 2015 during closing ceremonies, and we cannot wait for next year.

Thanks Wootmaster for the parting gift

Comments (20)

  1. condoms? Those damn con orgies..

  2. As I played a card in that CAH round, I am thrilled to be on HN in some random manner.

  3. but bronies wouldn't need condoms. ever.

    amirite guys?

    1. *hysterical laughter slowly devolves into sobbing*

    2. if they're desperate to fuck a real life horse. Because according to those sickfucks, animals automatically consent.

    3. Well, look at it this way. Through experimentation, sickfucks have learned that squirting, whinnying, winking and shoving you up against fences demanding hot monkey dick is consent.

      Kicking you in the nuts until you die is NOT consent. Know the signs! By paying close attention, you too can tell these subtle differences!

  4. >California Barbecue
    >in California
    Pig disgusting.
    Come to Kansas City and taste some barbecue here, if you truly want to be a barbecue patrician.

    1. I have to agree with Ura Faget here. We shouldn't have had to drive all the way to California for our Texas barbeque.

    2. California Texan barbeque > Texas Texan barbeque

  5. Is that Emily cosplay I see? What a cutie patootie. Did she meet up with /d/emona and rape all the congoers in a spaghetti spilling, horsecock riding, cum spewing orgy? She didn't. did she...

  6. Ura Faget if you need to drive to get good BBQ, you should probably drive to California not Texas is what I think Capper is trying to say.

  7. Man I know it's fiesta but I wish Asia equestria was a thing

  8. I'm disappointed, ebola-chan was a no show....

  9. I want Horse News to do a full on, paranoia investigation style, article about the epytome of autism that is Barneyfag.

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