Hanukkah Horror - Jew found drawn and quartered by ponies

"Oy Vey, what a mess," proclaimed law enforcement officials at the scene of a gruesome murder earlier this afternoon. Photos of what could only be described as a Hate (and penetrate) Crime, began appearing on social media, identifying the murderers of "Mensch on the Bench" as being none other than the stars of My Little Pony themselves.

Mensch was found drawn and quartered in the living room of a high-ranking Hebrew Hasbro official, with a note that read "Expect 8 crazy nights". While initially officials believed that this meant Adam Sandler's cartoon special would be soon airing on Discovery Family, a cursory look at the upcoming television schedule showed this was not the case.

Detectives believe that the note was actually a threat of continued violence up until the Christmas holiday.

Word of the racially-fueled murder reached the voice of Pinkie Pie via twitter. News of the hebrewcide spread across instagram, where some joked about the shlomo's demise. The whereabouts of the pony perpetrators Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie is currently unknown.

At press time another jew was found "hung by the chimey with care" of another Hasbro executive. Authorities believe the incidents are related.

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