6 Wishes/Predictions for the Twilight Sparkle Show

You know what isn't on the list? Whatever the fuck this is.
 Seasons greetings bronies and horse fuckers alike! As the longest hiatus yet continues onward into the holiday season you may be one fedora tip away from questioning your purpose in life. While I can't help you with that I can at least distract you from the fact that you and everyone you love will eventually die by posting my personal wishlist and predictions for season 5 of My Little Pony.

The list ranges from possible to "holy shit why am I reading this," so without further ado let's dive in!

1. The CMC will finally get their cutie marks (in what will be marked as one of the most boring episodes of the season).
Not sure if Scootaloo is staring at her wings or her ass here. Maybe both?
  In case you didn't know, Horse News already reported on CMC cutie marks being used on new merchandise, and if Hasbro approved merchandise has proven anything over the years, it's that the vast majority of it is canon. This one is all prediction. No wishing for this to happen, as it's pretty inevitable that shit will be going down with the 3 of them. Very boring, drawn out shit that is.

Over the years CMC episodes have ranged from "I guess this is nice" to sleep inducing in their level of entertainment. They're known as the most predictable episodes because their aim is more for small children versus general audiences. Yes yes, I know we're all watching a show about colorful magical ponies, but take a second and imagine the mane six being replaced with the CMC as the main characters of the show starting from season one. Do you really think the show would have gained traction like it did? Sweetie Belle's squeaks can only keep you shits occupied for so long.

So yeah, CMC episodes are boring in general, and this one will be no different. Heck, hints for it will probably be dropped every other episode for this "epic" conclusion all season long, and it's very possible they'll draw this out to 2 if not 3 episodes (one for each character). Remember, this is the same team that made the Equestrian Games needlessly last more than one episode despite almost everyone hating it. I'm so, so sorry, but this was inevitable. Anticipate crappy brushable toys with oddly sexualized grown up versions of the CMC next Summer.

2. Coco Pommel shows up and unintentionally hogs the spotlight.

Rarity is unimpressed. I mean really, only one?
Let's face it, after the fandom's reaction to Coco last season odds are pretty high that Coco is returning for another episode. I'm uping the stakes a little further and betting that Coco will accidentally outshine Rarity during a Rarity personality development episode by being adorably meek and/or doing something that turns into le reddit meme much like how Derpy outshined Applejack in that one episode no one can remember past the first two minutes. She's cute and you shits love her, so openly enjoy it when this happens.

3. A ponified version of Ted Anderson appears in the background.

For those unfamiliar with Ted Anderson.
 Bonus points if he's kissing the ground Twilight Sparkle (or any female character, really) walks on or somehow manages to flick the audience off despite having zero fingers. And of course, the show staff and comic staff will be very open and happy to admit it when asked about it. Oh, how the butt hurt will be glorious...

4. Discord spends an entire episode doing something dickish yet again (and continues to never face any real consequences for it). 

"This is what you little fuckers get for not buying my brony documentary!"
 Ever since this asshole was released with Celestia's permission in season 3 he's been a little shit to the point where he nearly got an entire country enslaved, and yet each time the guy receives less than a slap to the wrist for it. Oh no, Fluttershy won't feel the same about him, whatever will Discord do? There's no real way to punish what is essentially a god.

Despite this being a huge if not inevitable fault with a G rated show that feels the need to reform most of it's villains, I'm okay with it on one condition: Discord ups the stakes. It's not going to be hard for him now that he can visit the most powerful Equestrian leader's castle whenever he damn pleases while claiming he's changed.

Nearly ruin one country? Pffffft, why not ruin 2 or 3 by making them all go to war with each other based on false pretenses! Which leads to the next item on the list...

5. Chrysalis and her changelings return and end up waging war. 
Yeah yeah, I know this is going into fanfic territory, but I still want it dammit.

One the one hand, Hasbro has made a few new Chrysalis toys recently. On the other, fans have been asking for Chrysalis' return for years now without more than a misleading wink and nudge from writers. This one is way more of a wish than a prediction, but it would go really good with that Discord starting wars idea... I'm just say'in Hasbro. Think about it.

Changelings being used as spies and actually studying everything there is to know about the now famous main characters in order to act like them (unlike the ridiculously stupid plan from the wedding of just sneaking in and winging it) would actually make the characters think and ask themselves what exactly it is that makes a friend a true friend. Is it likable personality traits, or is it more about caring for one another? It could potentially be a great lesson for all the kiddies watching. When this was done in the wedding episode, it was only for a few seconds during battle and the copying was almost all physical. This could be expanded upon way more, especially during a time when writers may be running out of original ideas.

Also Chrysalis developing more of a personality like Luna did during season 2 would be good... n-no bias tho.

6. A ponified version of Fluffle Puff appears in the background.

Daww, just look at how fluffy and lewd she is!
  Yes, I know plenty of you horse fuckers don't like this character, but a lot of bronies and little kids are fans of this (mostly) G rated fluffy OC, and I don't think it would be a stretch to say it's one of the most popular OCs in the fandom. It would probably make a lot of people happy if Fluffle Puff popped in somewhere... like say, during a Chrysalis/Changeling episode. Shit Hasbro, you know how much money you would make if you made licensed Fluffle Puff merch? She's basically pink fluffy Derpy! And all you'd have to do is put this character in the background. Just uh... get permission from the creator first.

Why is this one the furthest down on the list? Because lesbian horses, that's why. It could essentially turn into Derpygate 2.0 once conservative moms find out about Fluffle's non-canon relationship with Chrysalis, and we all know how well Hasbro handles a couple angry emails from butthurt yet casual viewers.

Wait... Derpygate actually made Hasbro a ton of money and made Derpy one of the hottest selling characters in the franchise. So maybe this one is actually possible.

Like the article? Hate it? Go complain about it to @ThePerlerPony on Twitter. They have nothing else better to do than talk about fictional ponies and promote their pointless social media account on Horse News.

Comments (6)

  1. In the background, Ted Ponederson could be see apologizing for being a unicorn to a group of POGs (Pegasi On the Ground) in hopes that he'll be spared when they riot because deep down, Ted Ponederson believes that pegasi are savages who will riot if not appeased.

    1. "I respect you by denying you agency or any capacity for independent thought!"

  2. Those pictures tho http://i.imgur.com/v9txqMT.gif

  3. >Twilight Sparkle show
    >implying it wasn't always that way

    1. It wasn't always this uninteresting

  4. Fluffle Puff can fuck off. If she shows up I'm gonna shit on Hasbro's desk.