G.M. Berrow Announces Daring Do Trilogy

Today, author of My Little Pony books G.M. Berrow announced on her Twitter an upcoming trilogy of books focusing on everyone's favorite Indiana Jones spinoff pony, Daring Do.

The first book is set for release on October 7, 2014.  And while nothing is known of the books except for the titles, we here at Horse News have absolutely no problem aimlessly speculating on the nature of the books.  And believe me, we've done it with much less than a title.

So without further ado, here are the official Daring Do books you can expect some time in the near/distant future:

1. Daring Do and the Marked Thief of Mar(e)apore?
While Berrow claims that the book will be entitled Marked Thief of Marapore, the Friendship is Magic Wikia says that it will be called Marked Thief of Mareapore.  This is a problem.  There is a strong possibility that the author of the book doesn't even fully know what the title of the story is.  This represents a clear lack of communication within Hasbro that will cause this book to be an inevitable flop.
Picture the looks of disappointment when they actually read this thing...
We can see it now: Berrow submits the manuscript to Hasbro.  Hasbro wanted something entirely different than what Berrow wrote, something that they obviously did not make clear to Berrow at the time they commissioned her to write these books.

In a last-ditch effort to make bountiful shekels save the integrity of their great story idea, Hasbro just copy/pastes a chapter or two into Berrow's current novel.  The result is a tale about an adventurous Rainbow Dash recolor with a few chapters here and there that suddenly jump into the world of a high school where every character suddenly becomes human for the span of that chapter with no apparent explanation.
Don't think it won't happen...
Official HN Score: "2/10 Absolute shit. Too much >no hooves."

2. Daring Do and the Ruby Eye
After suffering a complete mental breakdown after witnessing what Hasbro did to her first book, G.M. Berrow is no longer able to put together any semblance of a cohesive story.  As a result, her second tale quickly turns into 46 pages of complete shitposting.

Portions of this book have already been leaked onto the internet by Berrow's psychiatrist, who sent out the manuscript to several of his colleagues in a vain effort to see if any of them could make out the slightest sense of what the fuck she was babbling about.

A portion of Berrow's manuscript is as follows:

"What happened to the golden angel of many faces and even more Bruce Willis cocks you may ask now? Well, we would know, but the aforementioned creature was all like "fuc dis shyt" and smoked mad blunts with Gilbert Gottfried. They tried the new BALLS SHAKER (tm), the only tool for exercising your balls!
Regardless, the voice was silenced. It could have been helpful on the quest for the Ruby Eye, but THEY WERE TO COCKFARTING
Christian Weston Chandler came out of the blue with his army of Sonichus. And proceeded to open up a can of shaniqua fu."
Your collective faces right now
Poor woman can't even write in proper format anymore...

Official HN Score: "8/10 Better than the first by far. At least there's hot pone sex."

3. Daring Do and the Eternal Flower
Now relocated to an insane asylum, G.M. Berrow has lost all sense of who she once was.  Unable to even look at the two previous books for fear of suffering yet another mental relapse, Berrow takes up the task of writing the third installment of the Daring Do series as a means of therapeutic mental exercise.

As advised by her psychiatrist, Berrow writes down everything she sees in her mind.  As a result, this entire story is just 300 pages of Daring Do staring at a flower that never changes or dies.

"The flower is the mirror into my soul," is all that Berrow will say on the metaphorical meaning of this story.  "It is all I see in my wildest dreams and darkest nightmares."
"How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?"
-Jaden Smith
Official HN Score: "6/10, Pretty deep and symbolic and stuff. If it's symbolic, it must be pretty good, right?"

4. Daring Do and the Forbidden City of Clouds
Either G.M. Berrow has forgotten what a "trilogy" is at this point or learned what it is from Douglas Adams.

Whatever the case may be, at this point Hasbro has given up all hope that Berrow will recover from her mental insanity and has instead hired renowned director George Lucas as a ghostwriter.  The story takes place on the planet of Bespin, more specifically in Cloud City.  How Daring Do got there is a mystery to everyone; Hasbro just tells readers "it's probably hidden amongst all the shit in Book 2."

Daring seeks sanctuary through her old and dear friend Lando Calrissian, who is more than happy to give her a place to stay.  Lando, being the fine, classy gentleman that he is, even invites Daring to a fine meal.  When Daring arrives, however, she sees at the head of the table none other than Ahuizotl, her mortal enemy.  She is frozen in carbonite by her mortal enemy and sold to an overadoring fangirl with a cyan coat and rainbow mane.

At this point, Lando manages to retake control of Cloud City using nothing save for his suave nature and a bottle of Colt 45 (because he never runs out).  While the story ends with Daring Do still in the hands of the obsessive fan, rumor has it that Lucas is currently working on a fifth installment in the trilogy (in true Douglas Adams fashion) in which Lando rescues Daring Do, saves the day, becomes a national hero in Equestria, and steals almost as many waifus as Flash Sentry.
Official HN Score: "11/10 Lando Calrissian can fuck my bitch"

Comments (7)

  1. http://amzn.com/0316406120 >available for pre-order

    1. Yeah, and we've known about this for months. Actually, I think we knew about this before Horse News was a thing.

    2. yup. I preordered this March 9th for 55 bucks.

  2. I may or may not read these.

  3. Ours are better

  4. Maybe it'll be a pop-up book. I'll prep the ER for all the dick papercuts.

  5. So because she forgot to add the pun in the title when she talked about it the book is immediately going to be a horrific failure...? Sounds legit.