Bronies Labeled a Gang by the FBI

A brony after a robbery. Fedora shops seem to
 be high priority targets for brony robberies

First it was the Juggalos, a group consisting of fans of the hip-hop duo known as Insane Clown Posse. Now, it appears that adult fans of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic will be in the same boat.  As of last night, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has officially labelled “bronies” as a gang.

“Oh no, does this make me a gang leader?” asked one prominent brony, Final Draft. “No? Wh-what do you mean ‘no?’ I’m popular. I need to be a gang leader! Pay attention to me!”

Under this new jurisdiction, bronies are officially considered a “street gang.” The FBI defines a street gang as a “criminal organization formed on the street operating throughout the United States.”  The criminal tag makes it technically illegal to refer to oneself as a “brony” and makes the wearing of My Little Pony paraphernalia very risky.

The FBI reports that they have made a series of individual arrests since the label became official.

A brony marking his territory
“It sickens me what these bronies are doing,” said one FBI agent. “Most of the gang members we arrested are young girls. The subjects have not been conducive to our questioning thus far, so we cannot conclude if bronies are trying to recruit new members at a young age or just using these poor girls as sex slaves.

“We’re just shocked at the fact their parents are letting them engage in such deplorable activity.”

Many bronies, however, are fighting the gang label, saying they are nothing like a gang, especially the Juggalos.

“Our fandom is different,” said Anon, a brony since 2011. “We don’t go around wearing faggy clown masks and listening to shit music.”
“This is some CIS-privilege bullshit,” added a prominent pink Tumblr user.  “It wasn’t enough for them to insult my transsexuality, but now the FBI goes out and does this just so they have a reason to arrest me! I’m sick of their male rape culture…”

Founder of the Brony gang Lo’ren Faustizzle agreed with the majority of the fanbase that the gang label was highly misguided.

“How the hell do you expect them to ‘engage in gang activities’ when most of them refuse to leave their parents’ basement?”
Overall the implications of this new designation is still unknown.  Whether or not the FBI will act upon their word and create new regulations is not yet clear, but legislation against bronies will not come unexpected.

Comments (11)

  1. Cuz the bronies in the hood are alwayz hard
    You come talkin' that best pony and we'll pull your card
    Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit
    Don't quote me boy, cuz I ain't said shit ...

  2. By far the best article yet. A good show, FS:SotU.


  4. So as a Juggabrony does that mean I'm a part of two gangs now? I'm so proud of myself.

    1. Shit, nigga, asses have been capped for two-timing like this.


  6. Being a brony means spreading the ideals of friendship, like the show intended. These jugolos do their heinous crimes because it's hard.

  7. I'll still wear my princess Luna shirt in pubic and I'll still buy the trading cards, DVDs and comic books

  8. Deplorable Brony17 April 2017 at 22:21

    There's Obama's legacy. ��