Apple Brown Betties, Giving You the Liquid Brown

Once more, the baked goods do bad.

The Equestrian hospitals have had a raise of patients right after the Equestria Games tryouts, all with the same symptoms: intoxication via pastries.

As you may remember, a couple of years ago, a similar occurrence took place in Ponyville's Sugarcube Corner when a couple of unknown miniature equines started giving away these so called “muffins”. These “muffins” were inspected, giving everyone an amazing result. The baked bads were made out of potato chips, some soda, lemon juice and earthworms. Experts couldn't tell if the ingredients of such were intended to be that way or if it was all a misinterpretation. Nonetheless, authorities are still looking for the responsible ponies of this act and find out if these two incidents were caused by the same criminals or are at least remotely related, although many ponies indicate the suspect include a Draft-horse named Final.

The incident, this time at Rainbow Falls, was caused by some extremely delicious apple brown betties that apparently had a dangerously high quantity of fiber and were stored in an inappropriate climate. Many ponies claimed that the betties were brought in a carriage by a mysterious mare who constantly shoved her treats into other ponies’ mouths. The ponies did not bother to reclaim the mare since the betties were too damn good, but little did they know the after effects of the delicacy.

Some equines say this was all a plan to make certain teams qualify the tryouts, specially for Ponyville since its competitors were under-qualified cunts and homosexuals. Some witnesses say the responsible of this act was Applejack, one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Accusations and charges were dropped after the witnesses were mysteriously not present to state the previous.

A colt from Ponyville tells us his story, from behind a bathroom stall at Rainbow Falls:

“I was on the way to the tryouts like everypony else and from out of nowhere this lady shoves and entire pastry on my mouth! I was going to say something to her, but holy shit that muffin thing was just SO DAMN GOOD! I did not recognize the mare who did it, I was too distracted, er… too distracted acquiring some of those things without her consent. I mean, I don’t think the bitch would mind since she shoved that muffin thing into my mouth! I wouldn’t have taken that dozen… I didn’t know I was going to end up like this. Anyway, half way the warm up at the tryouts I felt lots of bowel movement and I, thinking that it was just hunger, ate a couple more of betties. Big mistake. A minute or two later I felt this liquefied shit tryin’ to flow out of me, so I rush all the way to the nearest bathroom, but apparently all of them were already occupied. Turns out the ones inside were sick too. Long story short, I took a bush, then after 15 minutes of the non-stop shitstorm, I passed out and now I am here. Now can you… c-can you give me some privacy, p-please? I want to suffer alone”

85 ponies have been reported sick at the local hospital of Rainbow Falls, 55 in Ponyville,  47 in Cloudsdale, and there are 14 ponies and 2 gryphons who are incapacitated due dehydration.

We will accept any information about the perpetrator(s) related to any of the two incidents or any whereabouts of the Draft-horse, Final.

Comments (2)

  1. I guess you can say that the shit has hit the fan

  2. Well, now that explains how a team of 2 wimps and 1 good athlete qualified...